We are absolutely honored to welcome Ana Marques back to the pod. Ana is a trauma informed marriage and family therapist. Ana sat down with us to talk about boundaries. This episode is one of the most important conversations we have recorded so far. As one of the main premises of this podcast is to share the message our younger selves wished we knew... honoring our own boundaries is that key message. Ana gives this community a huge gift by sharing what she knows, simplifying the message, and even giving us some lessons in real time.
Let's just start with her definition of boundaries she shares at the beginning of the episode: Boundaries are the psychological, spiritual, physical, and mental distance that I keep between myself and people that allows me to love them and myself at the same time.
Our conversation navigates the difference between boundaries and ultimatums, as well as others reactions to your boundaries, and the effect they have on you when you are emotionally boundaried. We discuss boundaries with ourselves, and how to repair our relationships when boundaries are crossed. Ana gives us 5 steps to follow to help set a boundary with ourselves:
- Recognize our triggers
- Pay attention to our body sensations
- Observe the automatic thoughts that come up
- Ask "what does that mean about me?"
- State what boundary we need for ourselves
Although conversations with a therapist are incredibly helpful and full of insight, it is not a replacement for therapy. Ana encourages us and our listeners to get therapy, conversations are not a substitute for trauma work and processing.
This episode is full of wisdom and helpful insight to help you understand and implement boundaries. If you enjoy this episode, we highly recommend you check out "Mental health is not mental" episode 22 from season one, where Ana talks to us about trauma.