Episode 47

Our anger holds our boundaries

Published on: 17th November, 2021

We are absolutely honored to welcome Ana Marques back to the pod. Ana is a trauma informed marriage and family therapist. Ana sat down with us to talk about boundaries. This episode is one of the most important conversations we have recorded so far. As one of the main premises of this podcast is to share the message our younger selves wished we knew... honoring our own boundaries is that key message. Ana gives this community a huge gift by sharing what she knows, simplifying the message, and even giving us some lessons in real time.

Let's just start with her definition of boundaries she shares at the beginning of the episode: Boundaries are the psychological, spiritual, physical, and mental distance that I keep between myself and people that allows me to love them and myself at the same time.

Our conversation navigates the difference between boundaries and ultimatums, as well as others reactions to your boundaries, and the effect they have on you when you are emotionally boundaried. We discuss boundaries with ourselves, and how to repair our relationships when boundaries are crossed. Ana gives us 5 steps to follow to help set a boundary with ourselves:

  1. Recognize our triggers
  2. Pay attention to our body sensations
  3. Observe the automatic thoughts that come up
  4. Ask "what does that mean about me?"
  5. State what boundary we need for ourselves

Although conversations with a therapist are incredibly helpful and full of insight, it is not a replacement for therapy. Ana encourages us and our listeners to get therapy, conversations are not a substitute for trauma work and processing.

This episode is full of wisdom and helpful insight to help you understand and implement boundaries. If you enjoy this episode, we highly recommend you check out "Mental health is not mental" episode 22 from season one, where Ana talks to us about trauma.

We create and share additional content each week, you can join us on Patreon, follow us on Instagram, sign up for our newsletter, or send us your thoughts and feedback at itotallyrelatepod@gmail.com

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About the Podcast

I Totally Relate!
with Rissy and Shelbs
Hey Everybody! Welcome to "I Totally Relate!" with Rissy and Shelbs, the podcast of conversations all things Emotional Wellbeing. We're just over here giving permission. Permission to ourselves to be serious and funny. Permission to you to ask hard questions, and join the conversation. Permission to show up, exactly as we are. Oh yeah, and we're totally related.
Every episode we share tools that have helped us. We offer journal prompts for you to join us on the journey, and we occasionally offer guided meditations and breathwork.
We want to share our experiences and resources, and we hope you totally relate too.
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Rissy Shelby Deason

This podcast is a collection of conversations. Some of them are interviews, some are guided meditations and breath work, and a lot of them are just the two of us sitting down at the table to talk through our experiences and all the things we’ve learned. We discuss big and heavy topics like trauma, insecurities, body image. And although we might be discussing a weighty issue one moment, we will be laughing the next. We are not experts, we are not perfectionists. We are just two women on our own journey oh yeah, and we’re totally related! We hope to start the conversation with you and share resources, and we hope that you can totally relate too.